Grab your refreshing beverage and get ready to think about three words, not i love you.😁

Since the lockdown began in Lagos, Nigeria to curb the spread of the Covid 19, my sweet liitle nephew has been around to keep my company. So, i want to share with you what i learnt from him for the past few weeks now.

Have you noticed kids who disagree with other kid(s) and are crying one moment are back playing with the same kids the next moment? Did you know that kids easily forgive, forget, and move on with expectations of happy moments together? Kids don't keep grudges against each other.
They forgive easily.

This virtue in kids on forgiveness atrracted me to dig in to get a deeper understanding of the situation.  Adults have piled up baggage of memories, feelings and crushed ambitions. We, teenagers, youths,adults, have all dealt with putting up fronts, facades, fake emotions, etc. in an attempt to fit in and get along with others. Indeed, this has made it difficult to forgive and eventually we spend time being hurt over and over again.

Children in their purest form, do not accumulate the baggage nor have they disguised themselves to fit in. However, it will do us more good if we learn from kids about forgiving others, being forgiven, and moving on without wasting time being hurt.

I noticed that kids pour out how they feel about people that hurt them in an humorous manner. Once they feel offended, they stay away from for you but in few seconds they want to be wrapped in your arms. You should also show your emotions beacuse it helps to eliminate the guesswork in people dealing with you and with how you deal with them. Say it out, talk to someone about how you feel. In fact, it opens the door to more meaningful and deeper relationship with people.

Kids figure out the problem and resolve to make amends quickly. Kids understand this point better than most adults. Don't feel too special, otherwise you will be less likely to be open-minded and more likely to see the other person at fault. This paradigm makes it more difficult to forgive and more likely to see the situation in a winner/loser scenario. In fact, we are all special, but when it comes to forgiveness, we are better served to assume a humble posture.

I know you really don't want to waste time being hurt.
The real answer is i forgive you.
The real answer to free your broken heart from hurt and pain is to forgive. When you start to forgive you live in the now, neither in the future nor in the past. Forgiving allows the healing to begin and frees you to move forward with an unencumbered mind like a child.😁😁
#i forgive you
#stay safe
Do well to share some of your experiences with kids in allusion to forgiveness.😊

We've got to have wisdom. Wisdom will keep you safe and make you happier than you thought! So let's agree to live and learn.😊

In the beginning, it feels just like you thought it would but as the relationship progresses you experience disappointment and you feel betrayed or deceived. Yet, rather than allowing the disappointment to uncover the lie and clarify that it's not the man who will make you whole, you are prone to think, maybe this wasn't the man that will make me whole but the next one.🙄
So you schedule another appointment in your heart and take your brokenness into another relationship where you accumulate hurts and wounds because it didn't work out again. So you find yourself searching for the remains of your heart among the ruins of yet another failed relationship. 😔
The rest is history.

Many women have assumed that true happiness comes through relationship with a man. So they postpone their happiness and wholeness until the right man shows up in their life. Whenever they talk about happiness or wholeness, they immediately mention the man who isn't there or a partner who isn't right.  Do you know that you can so wait so long for something you think will bring you happiness and as you fix your gaze on that one desire, you miss your happiness because you don't recognise the present opportunities for joy. Think about it. 🤔

Is your desire for a love relationship from a sense of being incomplete?
The gist is that wholeness is an understanding of your identity, an established feeling of acceptance, value, joy, peace etc. Your wholeness comes from within. It doesn't rely on outward stimuli or circumstances that constantly shift.Wholeness doesn't come from a relationship. I know it is running through your mind that there is a capacity for happiness in a relationship between a man and a woman which is very true.😁
However, your happiness shouldn't be based on another person's participation.

Wholeness is an issue of becoming complete for yourself. The high a woman receives temporary wholeness in a relationship can lead to pursue the wrong man in an attempt to recapture that sense of fulfillment. You must understand that you can achieve fulfillment for your own self. You cannot have a relationship with a complete man by being incomplete yourself.

Don't be a woman searching for a relationship with a man based on the need to feel whole, happy or satisfied. Here is an exercise for you..List five things you want . Look at your list and ask yourself if it will be possible to have these things and still be unhappy. If you are still unhappy, then you are focusing on the wrong list.
Ask yourself if your desire for a love relationship comes from a sense of brokenness. It's up to you when the brokenness circle in your life will end.

Drum rolls😁🥁
You have to break this cycle by spending quality time with yourself, take a practice that centers you, balance your self esteem with your self criticism, develop a daily gratitude practice and show yourself appreciation, go for a treat ( I love this in particular),add value to yourself and most importantly take note that God does a work of wholeness from within us that cannot be affected by outward circumstances.
Breathe!😊

Some of the good qualities of a successful, very liked and happy person are that he is caring, helpful and above all he is transparent. All this points to the fact that most of the things about such a person’s life are like an open book. He does not hide anything – especially from his family, friends and relatives.

Yet there are a few things which one should always keep secret. This is so because telling the world about them however much you share and care  just won’t bring you any good. 

Here are some of the most crucial things you should always keep secret.

Your Future Plans

It is first and most important tip. Never reveal your serious planning, especially if it is business plan or personal ambitious plan. Keep silent about these until you’ve actually put them in action and the results after started pouring in. This strategy has many benefits. First it safeguards you from anyone more aggressive or resourceful in picking up your million dollar idea and implementing it better and faster than you.

Secondly, the ideas and plans often have weak links and unnoticed spots which you haven’t noticed. Hence, there are always chances that someone intelligent may pick them improve on it easily and proceed with a more robust and fail proof plan. Since you might have spent so much of time, money, energy on thinking, researching etc. you may now get too disheartened to even try to implement your plan.

Thirdly, there are a lot of people who are good at nothing but only know how to find faults and discourage a person. Since none of the ideas are perfect, if you reveal to them they may kill your motivation, destroying the idea completely.

Fourthly, in the event of failure of your plan (for whatever reason), some people will regularly remind you of your failure and make fun of you. This might dissuade you from trying anything ambitious in future.

The lesson here is that if there is something really important, something that can change your entire life, keep it to yourself. Grow it like you nurture a plant, with care and attention.

Your Goals and Strategies

This is a natural extension of the previous point.

According to a few experiments carried out, telling others your strategies or goals to others satisfies your self-identity and after that you are less motivated to put in the hard work needed. As per the tests conducted, those who kept their intentions secret were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others.

In case you disclose your strategies and goals, you can blame it on “premature sense of completeness” which leaves you lesser motivation to go all out to achieve your goals. In addition, if you fail to achieve, you become a loser, and there are always sadists and enemies who are happy to point fingers at you.

Your Income, Finance and Wealth

This point hardly requires any convincing that you should keep your income, finance and wealth a secret. The harsh fact is that we live in a materialistic world where people constantly judge each other based on income and financial worth. Sadly, other qualities like education, talents, simple living, spirituality are not attached much value.  Even most fair individuals will succumb to judging without even thinking about it.

We all want success, and not failure. In this world, the most superficial form of success is money.  You may prefer to have true friends who do not judge you on the basis of how much money and wealth you have. Rather let there be friendship, bonding and relationship of you being a true human being and your value system.

Discussing incomes usually turns into a “who-makes-more” curiosity leaving you a low feeling and depression because you might find that you can’t afford the things you would like or you deserve to be paid more than them.

If you are earning good money, it is nobody’s business what you earn and how you earn! If you have it, feel good, don’t go and brag about it. People are going to be jealous then they will be around you all day. Money can corrupt friends and relatives.

Also you would not want to seek unwanted attention from strangers / robbers / thieves / donation seekers.

Your Love Life

The only people who should know the intimate details of what goes on in your bedroom are your partner and you.

If you are in a loving, committed relationship such as marriage, keep your intimate information between each other. It's not for the public to know.

Psychotherapy Counselling

We’ve all had problems and bad situations in our lives. And yes, smart and good people come out of it – sometimes on their own and sometimes with the help of professionals like psychotherapists / psychologists / counsellor etc.

There’s no shame about past incidents in your life but this is one of the things you may definitely not talk about with friends, relatives, boss, co-workers – ever. The word may spread like jungle fire. People are quick to form opinions and it may hit you very hard in your professional life including career prospects besides your reputation in your social circle. 

Family Conflicts or Problems in Personal Life

Every family has problems, at one point of time or other. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This could be because of difference of opinion, clash of interest, generation gap, or any other reason. Yet it is never recommended that one goes around revealing the details of the problems in the family or even mentioning that there is a conflict of sorts going on.

Under such situations, always remind yourself that the less you reveal such secrets to outsiders, the safer and peaceful you will be. Keep in mind that family conflicts are usually the result of expelling negative energy and soon will pass. Such things can and should be resolved within the privacy of your own home and between loved ones. 

Your philanthropy, donations to charity

It is not a good idea to reveal the details of your charities. Charitable acts are divine and out of your inner feelings. That it is why one must treasure them. In certain societies, it is always recommended that “your left hand should not know what your right hand is giving”.

Do not neutralize your good karma by bragging about your philanthropic activities because others can label you as a self praising arrogant person.

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Anger management helps you recognize frustrations early and resolve them in a way that allows you to express your needs — and keeps you calm and in control.

Some signs that you need help controlling your anger include:
Regularly feeling that you have to hold in your anger.
Persistent negative thinking and focusing on negative experiences.
Constant feelings of irritation, impatience and hostility.
Frequent arguments with others that escalate frustrations.
Physical violence, such as hitting your partner or children or starting fights.
Threats of violence against people or property
Out-of-control or frightening behavior, such as breaking things or driving recklessly.
Avoiding situations because of anxiety or depression about anger.

Learning behavioral skills is an essential part of anger management. A number of books and websites offer information about ways to manage anger. But, if learning skills on your own isn't enough to help you stay calm and in control, you may benefit from seeing a mental health professional or by taking an anger management class.
It can take a little work to find an anger management program, a counselor specializing in anger management or other resources. Here are some places to start your search:
Ask your primary care doctor or mental health professional for a referral to a program or counselor.
Search trustworthy online sites for resources, such as blogs, support groups or books.
Ask someone who completed an anger management program or took other steps to manage anger.
Check with your employee assistance program
(EAP).

When you start working on anger management, identify your triggers and the physical and emotional signs that occur as you begin to get angry. Recognizing and managing these warning signs early is an important step in controlling your anger. Pay attention to and make a list of:

Stressors that commonly trigger or worsen your anger, such as frustration with a child or partner, financial stress, traffic issues, or problems with a co-worker
Physical signs that your feelings of anger are rising — for example, sleeping poorly, clenching your jaw, a racing heart or driving too fast.
Emotional signs that your anger is on the rise, such as the feeling you want to yell at someone or that you're holding in what you really want to say.

Generally, counseling for anger management focuses on learning specific behavioral skills and ways of thinking so you can cope with anger. If you have any other mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression or addiction, you may need to also work on these issues for anger management methods to be effective.

The aim of counseling and anger management classes is to teach you to:
Manage factors that may make you more likely to get angry, such as improving sleep so you're not tired and keeping stress low by using stress management skills.
Identify situations that are likely to set you off and respond in nonaggressive ways before you get angry.
Learn specific skills to use in situations likely to trigger your anger.
Recognize when you aren't thinking logically about a situation, and correct your thinking
Calm yourself down when you begin to feel upset, for example, by using relaxation skills or taking a break.
Express your feelings and needs assertively (but not aggressively) in situations that make you feel angry.
Focus on problem-solving in frustrating situations — instead of using energy to be angry, you'll learn how to redirect your energy to resolve the situation.
Communicate effectively to defuse anger and resolve conflicts.

Results
Improving your ability to manage anger has several benefits. You'll feel as if you have more control when life's challenges turn up the heat. Knowing how to express yourself assertively means you won't feel the frustration of holding in your anger to avoid offending someone.

Anger management can help you:
Communicate your needs.
 Learn how to recognize and talk about things that frustrate you, rather than letting your anger flare up.
 Knowing how to express yourself can help you avoid impulsive and hurtful words or actions, resolve conflicts, and maintain positive relationships.
Maintain better health. The stress caused by ongoing angry feelings can increase your risk of health problems, such as headaches, difficulty sleeping, digestive issues, heart problems and high blood pressure.
Prevent psychological and social problems linked to anger. Examples include depression, problems at work, legal difficulties and troubled relationships.
Use your frustration to get things done. Anger expressed inappropriately can make it difficult for you to think clearly, and may result in poor judgment. You'll learn to use feelings of frustration and anger as motivators to work harder and take positive action.
Help avoid addictive escapes. People who always feel angry may turn to alcohol, drugs or food to decrease feelings of anger. Instead, you can use anger management techniques to keep your cool and maintain control, without adding an additional problem to your life.